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NCC encourages simple talks to keep your child safe from abuse |04 September 2015

From time to time parents get to hear stories in the media which keep reminding them that child sexual abuse is something to be wary about. Most of the sexual abuse cases reported are about children being abused by someone they know. And most of these children did not tell anyone what was happening at the time.

Children find it hard to speak out. By encouraging children to talk about issues earlier, and listening to their thoughts and feelings, parents can create the culture of openness that helps keep children safe from abuse. It’s a conversation no parent wants to have, but thankfully it doesn’t have to be scary!

The National Council for Children (NCC) believes in safe, secure childhood – which is why we’re giving practical and reassuring advice. We also don’t want to upset or scare families and we definitely don’t want to make children feel they can’t accept a hug or a kiss from an adult.

Parents! Start having simple conversations, with your children. Conversations like crossing the road safely, bullying and not accepting things from strangers, are subjects that you and your child might talk about. But you have to also talk about staying safe from sexual abuse.

Does this mean that you have to talk to your child about sex?

You don’t have to talk about sex or keeping safe from sexual abuse until you feel your child is ready. But if your child asks questions, it’s really valuable to take the opportunity to talk. You can show your child that you’re open to having conversations. And it will help your child feel confident that they can come to you whenever they’re worried. Feel free to use language and ideas you know your child will understand, and adapt it as they get older.

The Underwear Rule for example is a simple way to help keep children safe from abuse. It teaches children that their body belongs to them, they have a right to say no, and that they should tell an adult if they’re upset or worried. The National Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC) has developed a valuable lesson on their website for parents to help keep their children safe by using the word PANTS to cover a different part of the Underwear Rule.
 
How and when you talk PANTS to your child is your choice. After all, you know them better than anyone. You’ll know when they’re ready and how much detail you need to go into. The guide has everything you need to get your conversation started.

Letter P: Privates are private

Anything covered by underwear is private. No one should ask to see or touch parts of the body covered by underwear. No one should ask your child to touch or look at parts of their body covered by underwear. If anyone tries, your child should say no. In some situations, people – such as family members at bathtime, doctors or nurses – may need to touch your child’s private parts. Explain to your child that this is OK, but that those people should always explain why, and ask if it’s OK first.

Letter A: Always remember your body belongs to you

Your child should know their body belongs to them, and no one else. No one has the right to make your child do anything with their body that makes them feel uncomfortable. If anyone tries, they should tell a trusted adult.

Letter N: No means no

Your child has the right to say ‘no’ – even to a family member or someone they love. This shows your child they’re in control of their body and their feelings are respected. There are times when you may need to overrule your child’s preferences to keep them safe – like when you’re crossing the road – but it helps if you explain why. If a child feels empowered to say no to their own family, they are more likely to say no to others.

Letter T: Talk about secrets that upset you

Help your child feel confident about speaking up about a secret that’s worrying them. Reassure your child that it won’t get them into trouble. And explain the difference between ‘good’ and ‘bad’ secrets. Some secrets, like surprise parties, can be good. But adults should never make a child keep a secret that makes them feel worried, sad or frightened. Secrets are often an abuser’s greatest weapon. Phrases like “it’s our little secret” are their way of making a child feel worried or scared to tell. Help your child to feel clear and confident about what to share and when. Secrets shouldn’t be kept in exchange for something, and should never make your child feel uneasy. A secret should always be shared in the end.

The Underwear Rule can help you to reinforce key points, and to adapt the message as your child gets older. Once you’re ready to talk, you might find your child isn’t. That’s OK. The most important thing is not to force the issue. The last thing you want is for your child to feel it’s a big deal. The NCC believes that weaving simple conversations about staying safe into the daily routine is a great way to encourage communication and if parents can do it often then your child will trust you more and these kinds of conversations will become much easier for you.

Contributed by the NCC


 

 

 

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