Improving your parenting non-verbal communication skills with NCC |30 April 2016

One of the questions that usually come up in the National Council for Children’s parenting workshop is how can do I get my child to become a better listener and how can I encourage my child to respond positively to what  I say?

A lot of kids act as if they don’t hear when adults speak and a lot of parents wonder if their little ones will ever follow their instructions. 

As parents, we spend much time speaking and instructing our kids. Yet, how many of us have thought about the non-verbal ways we communicate with our children?

Eye rolls, smiles, arms crossed, shoulders hunched – we scratch our heads and sometimes bang the table or click our fingers. Our non-verbal communication can have long-lasting effects on how our children listen to us, behave, process information, and speak to others. It also impacts their attitude towards us parents and affects how others see them.

Although many of us are not aware about the impact of our non-verbal messages, several studies on this aspect of communication seem to establish that body language accounts for 93% of a message. So it is very important that parents take note of this fact and remember that it’s not always what we say that will resonate with our children, but how we convey our messages.

As almost every parent knows, children won’t always stop their game or what they are doing to listen to mummy and daddy. It’s in their nature to play and pursue what they like. It’s often a struggle for parents to get little ones to pay attention to what they have to say. Parents always remember: “Children see and children do”.  We have to model the behaviours we would like to see in our children so we need to work to improve our non-verbal communication so that they can effectively learn from us.

Connecting with them can mean bending or kneeling down to reach eye level with them, getting closer and speaking gently and softly; smiling, touching and looking at them straight in the eye while making your request or making suggestions. Parents who connect with their kids through positive use of body language and encouraging words have a better chance of improving their children’s social skills and listening abilities.  

Parents often overlook the significance of making eye contact with their children. From a very young age, when a child can attend to their parents’ face, they receive more cues to understanding verbal messages. A child is not just focusing on the face, but may also be paying attention to lip movements. This may make the messages more ‘readable’ and perceivable

By bending down and speaking at your child’s level, not only are you more approachable and less intimidating to your child, but you are making the message more audible and accessible. Educators are often encouraged to bend and teach at the child’s level to promote and strengthen teacher-student communication.

Postures are also very important .When we hold our arms to the side, as opposed to crossed or wrapped around our bodies, we show our children that we are receptive to what they have to say. This might help to encourage them to want to listen to us and communicate.

Our facial expressions should also be very encouraging, so we can smile to also influence how our children respond to our message. Once again, by imbuing a positive expression, we encourage our children to have positive responses.

Paying attention to what your child is doing and lending a helping hand such as in getting down on the floor with your child to wipe a mess together, rather than just telling your child to clean up the mess is critical to engaging your child in the issue at hand. This means that we are involving them at a deeper level.

Our gestures such as head nods, thumbs up, and hi-five  also positively impact interactions with children. We are non-verbally expressing acknowledgement and encouragement to our children.

Proximity to our children – For young children, it’s important that the space between parent and child be relatively small (1-2 feet). As our children become adolescents it’s natural for the space to widen. In order to show our children that we are engaged in talking to them, our movements should be limited to gestures and expressions. Walking and pacing are not only distracting for your child, but take away from the closeness and connection you want to have with them to effectively communicate.

So the first step in getting your child to listen to you is to pay attention to your own non-verbal communication skills and to effectively listen to them. It is amazing how paying attention to our non-verbal communication and intentionally making a few minor adjustments can have such a huge impact on the way we connect with our children and in turn how they interact with the world around them.

Give it a shot – you might find yourself being pleasantly surprised.Why not start this week and pay particular attention to this aspect of communication. If you want to get more parenting skills why not enrol for a free parenting workshop. Just telephone 4283900 and register your name. 

Contributed by NCC