Book review : Building a Successful Family (Part II)-Understanding the family |09 July 2011
Genesis 1:27-28
No nation can be better than the health of the individual families that make up that nation, because the nucleus unit of any nation and any people, tribe or race, even the smallest nation, is the family. It stands as a fundamental social group of a typical society.
Mother Theresa, the great saintly woman of God and founder of the Order of the Missionaries of Charity, when asked what the solution to world peace was, said, “Let every one go home and love their families.” She was literally saying that the chaos in the world today, has its foundation in the way the family structure and family values are being misunderstood and misused.
The Family Unit
The word “family” in the Longman’s Dictionary of Contemporary English means: a group of people who are closely related to each other, especially mother, father, and their children representing the nuclear family. There is also, however, the extended family set up, which include aunts, uncles, grandparents, distant relations, etc.
The family unit can also be defined as two or more people who share common goals and values, have a long-term commitment to one another, a common ancestry, and usually reside in the same dwelling place, under one roof or live in the same house.
Another word for “family” from the Bible is “household” or “house of” as in Psalm 115:12. Speaking about God’s desire for the family circle, it says:
…He will bless the house of Israel; he will bless the house of Aaron.
Also, Genesis 18:19 says:
For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him…
In this passage we see that “household” refers to more than just husband, wife, and children, because the word “children” had already been mentioned before the word “household.” A household has much more than just husband, wife and children, but can refer to all who live under that roof and authority of the householder or owner of house.
Such persons may include close relations, distant relations, in-laws, servants, housemaids and domestic staff (some people have their drivers, gardeners, security personnel, etc, living with them under the same roof, and treat them as members of their family).
The marriage relationship
Marriage is the legal union of a man and a woman as husband and wife. It is the foundation on which the lives and relationship of family members are initiated or built.
The Longman’s Dictionary defines marriage as a relationship between two people who are married or who have been joined together as husband and wife according to the law, custom, or church demands.
Although, having children is one of the blessings of marriage, marriage means much more than just having children or co-habiting with someone of the opposite sex. Marriage is actually a covenant, a fusion, a blending of a man and a woman in life long, inseparable relationship. It is an agreement and commitment of two people before witnesses.
It is a relational structure through which a man and a woman join as husband and wife, become one flesh and together rule in earthly dominion.
It is two people, specifically a man and a woman, a husband and a wife, coming together to pledge their lives and commitment to each other, about forming a family or building a household together.
God is the originator of the first marriage. In Genesis 2:18, the Bible says:
And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
The subsequent verses show how God went about doing just that. God showed His interest in marriage, by personally fashioning the woman and delivering her to her husband. He was personally present at the first marriage ceremony (Gen.
2:21-23). What’s more? The first miracle ever that Jesus performed during His earthly ministry, was at a marriage ceremony at Cana of Galilee, where He turned water into wine, restoring the missing joy and excitement in that marriage ( John. 2:1-11).
Does your marriage seem to be joyless right now? Do not lose hope. God who did it at Cana, will do it again in your life, and will give you a miracle, because He is still a miracle worker Expect a miracle! However, you must be ready to obey His instructions, like they did at the wedding in Cana, before their water was turned into wine.
God, as the originator of marriage, is the foundation for a successful marriage. Building your home upon Him, will ensure a successful family life. However, many couples push God and His principles aside, and yet expect to enjoy divine benefits and blessings in their marriage and family life. It cannot work that way, as the place you give God in your life determines your overall placement in life.
Marriage versus the Family
Fredrick K. C. Price said, “Marriage is a divine ordinance. Without marriage as a divine ordinance you cannot have a family. You may have a group of people living in the same house, but you cannot have a family. You will have a living arrangement, but not godly relationship.”
In other words, if there is no marriage, there can be no family, because there is a decent order and process to follow in establishing a family. The Bible admonishes this:
Let all things be done decently and in order.
1 Corinthians 14:40
The marriage relationship, though essential to the family unit, differs from family relationship. Let’s see how.
Firstly, marriage is between two parties, man and woman, husband and wife. It is between two people of the opposite sex only. It is important to make this point very clear here, especially in these “modern” days of “same sex marriages”.
Even though same sex marriages may be acceptable to the society, it is not acceptable to God. For “…Male and female created he them.” Genesis 1:27 “Therefore shall a man …cleave unto his wife…” Genesis 2:24
Notice the words “male”, “female”, “man” and “wife” in the above scriptures. These all point to two people of the opposite sex, not same sex. God is a God of details. To have God’s kind of marriage, things must be done His own way. Following the crowd and doing what everybody else is doing, can never make for success in marriage. Caution! Caution!! Caution!!! God warns in His word:
…Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate (homosexuals), nor abusers of themselves with mankind …shall inherit the kingdom of God.
1 Corinthians 6:9-10
To go against the word of God is for life to go against you! The scriptures cannot be broken. To attempt to break scriptures, is to be broken in life. Those who make light of God’s word, are naturally victims in life.
The family on the other hand, involves at least two, and eventually more people.
Secondly, marriage is a covenant, resulting in a fusion, a blending and a life long relationship between one man and one woman. The husband and wife relationship is established by covenant.
Marriage is not just a good idea; it is God’s idea. God instituted it; it is divine. It is not a cultural thing, but a scriptural thing. It is not a product of man’s arrangement, but God’s arrangement.
A family tie, however, is a common ancestral or associational bond resulting in a connecting cord between the individuals within that same family. Its existence is not necessarily by their own volition. That is, you really have no say in deciding which family to belong to.
And Judah said unto his brethren … he is our brother and our flesh…
Genesis 37:26-27
Thirdly, marriage is by choice; each party chooses to become bonded. In a family, however, each member is bonded as a result of their common ancestry, whether or not they choose to. In Genesis 28:2, Isaac told Jacob his son:
Arise, go to Padan-aran, to the house of Bethuel thy mother’s father; and take thee a wife from thence of the daughters of Laban thy mother’s brother.
The marriage relationship in which you find yourself, is a product of your choice and choices are so important. To a great extent, they determine the flavor of our lives.
On the other hand, the family into which you are born is not a product of your choice. The relationship between children and parents is established by birth. You do not choose who your father or mother would be before you are born. Or did you? You cannot change your father, neither can you change your mother.
Nonetheless, the good news is that God never makes mistakes. Whatever family you are born into is not accidental; God did it on purpose, and it is for your good. Don’t ever wish you were born into another family. The family into which you are born is the best for you to fulfill your reason for existence. Get excited! You are born in due season.
Don’t ever despise the family into which you were born. No matter the challenges there, God might have sent you there for such a time as this. As you handle those challenges effectively, you will emerge a champion.
Fourthly, marriage is the foundation for the family. A marriage is entered into by choice and then grows into a family unit. The principles that keep the marriage standing, must flow into the lifestyle of family members.
This is because in a marriage, an individual makes a choice for him/herself. But in establishing a family, the individual is bringing loved ones and more individuals together, to partake of either healthy environment created or painful experiences being endured (Genesis 47:9). Marriage and family is meant to be enjoyed, not endured.
Families are products of marriages. One leads to the other.
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