Understanding teenagers |06 August 2011

The children are wondering, “What’s going on here?  Why is my body changing so rapidly?  I saw some blood yesterday.  Why are my breasts hurting?  Why is my voice cracking?   Can I talk about it with anyone?”

Parents on the other hand are puzzled by the swings in the moods of their teenagers.  One minute he is excited, next minute he wants to be alone.  What used to excite him before, like certain types of clothes, is now regarded as childish.  “Who can cope with it?”  many parents seem to be asking.

But the teen years need not be so frustrating; all that is actually required is knowledge and understanding.

Through wisdom is a house builded; and by understanding it is established: Proverbs 24:3

Clearly understanding the transformation that takes place in the lives of your teenagers will help you offer relevant guidance and equip you with the patience you need to go through the period.

The teen years can be one of the most interesting periods in life.  As parents, it is exciting to see a man emerge out of the little boy you used to cuddle; and as a teenager, it is fascinating to accept the responsibility of maturity.  But this only happens when both parties are well informed.

Today let’s try to see and describe what happens at various stages of the teenage child development;

PUBERTY
The first phase children pass through is known as puberty.  Puberty is a phase of sexual awakening in the life of a child.

This is when the sexual organs and reproductive system of a child begin to develop, in preparation for adulthood.  The age it begins differs from one child to another.

For boys, puberty starts from the age of 12.  Rapid growth begins to take place in their bodies.  At this stage the pituitary gland (also known as the “big boss”) attached to the base of the brain of man is activated.  It produces hormones, which bring about changes in the body.

For girls, maturity begins earlier in girls than in boys.  In girls puberty begins between the ages of 10 and 11.  At puberty, the female body begins to develop features of a woman.  This is the period that menstruation begins.

Parents, your child needs to understand the entire process of menstruation, to avoid confusion and unnecessary concern.
 
Menstruation is the monthly discharge of blood and fluids from the uterus.  It normally occurs every 28 days or thereabout and lasts for between 3 to 5 days.  This process starts between the ages of 9 to 15, and varies depending on the child.

ADOLESCENCE
Adolescence is a term used to describe the period of life between childhood and adulthood.  It is usually between the ages 14 and 19.  This is the final stages of childhood before adulthood sets in, and is similar to the pupa stages of growth in a butterfly before the cocoon finally breaks forth into a beautiful butterfly.

EARLY TEENAGE (12-15)
At this stage children begin to get more interested in people of the opposite sex.  Girls start looking great to boys and boys start appealing to girls.  The sexual appetite within them begins to awaken.  Certain emotional changes occur in this period.  There is an increased desire for relationship with colleagues, classmates and age group mates, known as “peer groups”.  They begin to want to spend more time with those of the opposite sex, eventually leading to the desire for marriage.  This is healthy, if they are told how to handle it.

However, one of the biggest mistakes an individual can make in life is to get married too soon.  It can be tragic!  Statistics have shown that half of most teenage marriages break up within five years, because the individuals are immature.

Please know that marriage is one of the most important decisions to be made in life.  Therefore, it is advisable that youngsters are mentally mature before contemplating marriage.

LATE TEENAGE (16-18)
During this phase, the changes that occur in teenagers are more emotional than physical.  For both sexes, the sexual desire grows stronger, with each being interested in the other.  While having a sexual appetite is not wrong, its fulfillment is restricted to the marriage relationship alone.

Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.  Hebrews 13:4
This is the period girls have crushes on one boy after another.  A “crush” means she begins to think on one particular person day in day out and fantasise about the possibility of being with that person.  “Crushes” are constantly changing at this stage.

As a parent, you will have to in wisdom and love explain to her that such feelings do arise, but are not the basis for strong and fulfilling relationship.  The principles, foundation and purpose for relationship ought to be explained at this point so that a wrong move or hasty relationships are not contracted.

Among other things to explain to your teenager, especially when they are in their late teens is the issue of sex.  As a few sexual thoughts occur to them, they may ask themselves, “Will God punish me for these sexual thoughts?”  This is because a sense of guilt arises in them.  The thoughts come, but they must be taught how to tame their thoughts.  (Proverbs 4:23; 23:7).

Teenagers need to know that God created the sexual desire within man.  It is neither dirty nor evil.  Nothing that God created is evil (Genesis 1:31), it is the perversion of it that is evil.  God’s intention is that sexual desire find expression in marriage, not outside marriage.  Therefore, parents should teach their teenager how to control their sexual desires.

Let them know that control of such desires has its rewards.  It produces a wonderful and successful life after.  This happens if they treat their bodies with respect by saying no to early sex or activities leading to it.  Sex before marriage is wrong!  Even if some of your friends do it, Christians or non Christians, you are not to join them.

One other way of helping your teenager steer clear of pre-marital sex, is being spiritually-minded (Romans 8:1-8).  If his mind is always pre-occupied with sexual thoughts, those urges will intensify.  But if his mind is filled with godly thoughts, he will be able to easily control his sexual urges.  Emphasise purity in thoughts, words and actions.

Furthermore, your teenager needs to be careful what they watch on television, what they listen to, what they read and the kind of friends they keep.

By Pastor David Koin
Winners’ Chapel International
www.winnerschapelseychelles.org