Self-harm: watch for symptoms and encourage teenagers to get help! |12 February 2022
Parents, it is unfortunately a reality! Self-harm among teenagers is quite common and we as parents, uncles, aunties, teachers, counsellors should be very attentive to this phenomenon and we should watch for symptoms and encourage the teenagers to get help.
Just the thought of my child cutting herself, makes me go in panic mode. The psychologist team at the National Council for Children (NCC) confirmed thatmany teenage girls seek attention by doing this. Boys not so much and if they do they will pick at their ‘boubou’ or burn themselves.
In the article proposed below, NCC talks to four young persons who went through this ‘self-harm’ process and we think parents should not give their children so much leeway that when they have a problem they cannot speak to anyone and resort to hurting themselves.
We must make sure our children are able to speak to us especially as teenagers they have so many emotions and their lives can be turned upside down by a single event. If they can’t talk to us, then at least to their friends or their relatives.
Many parents are at a loss when they find out that their children have been inflicting self-harm and they often mistake it as attempted suicide also.
Parents please do not feel shy or embarrassed if ever your child has been going through this trauma. Please give NCC a call!
Teenagers remember hurting yourself is marking your body for life!
Vidya Gappy
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When children start harming themselves
Why would anybody want to hurt himself or herself on purpose, especially if it may leave a mark that will remain for the rest of their lives? For parents, discovering that your child is engaging in such activities can be heart breaking but more often than not, it is a cry for help. It does not mean they are suicidal or crazy but that they are unable to cope with whatever they are going through.
What constitutes self-harm?
Any action that is done deliberately with the intention to cause physical pain is classified as self-harm. It is especially common among teenage girls who hurt themselves by either cutting or scratching their skin with sharp objects. Apart from using sharp objects, self-harm also includes burning themselves with cigarettes or matches, hitting themselves, banging their heads, pulling their hair, picking at wounds or even biting or pinching themselves.
Although such acts may seem outright dumb-founded, they provide a temporary relief to the person who is going through an emotional problem. The wounds provide them a temporary distraction from their problem.
Additionally, it also gives the teenager a sense of control and even a change of mood as the injury releases endorphins into the bloodstream.
Why do teenagers harm themselves?
“I wanted to show my parents that I was tired of their rules and that I’d rather die than listen to them.” – Anna (13).
“The first time I did it was because my boyfriend started seeing someone else. I wanted to die so that he would feel really, really bad about it. The second time, I was just feeling miserable. I just went in the bathroom and tried slashing but not deep enough just slightly. I have slashed my left wrists three times and you can see the marks there. Unless someone asks me, I do not talk about the scars. I have a boyfriend now so I don’t need to do this anymore.” – Ryannah (16).
What do teenagers think of those who hurt themselves?
“I find it lame. I chatted with a girl who has done it before and she said she did it because her mum was driving her crazy. I was like; you only live once, why do something that will end it?” – Dion (17).
“I have been in that place where I felt no one loved me. Nobody understood me. I was going mad. My parents were not talking. My friends did not want to hang out with me. I know how it feels but I spoke to a teacher who helped me. I made new friends and moved on. I am just saying I know why they do it but for me I was lucky enough to have received help.” – Jade (17).
How to help a teen who self-harms
Your teen will not tell you that they tried to harm themselves. Keep an eye out for any scratches or cuts. Bandages, long sleeves or excess clothes are also signs that they may be engaged in this activity. If you suspect your teen is deliberately injuring themselves, it is important to intervene or seek the help of a professional. These first steps can help you:
- Use direct approach. There is no time to waste. Ask your teen if he or she is self-harming by asking directly ‘What are these marks on your wrists?’ ‘Are you hurting yourself?’ or ‘Did you do this to yourself?’ Your aim is not to be judgmental or to punish them but to help them. Keep in mind that a person will not be hurting himself or herself if he or she was not feeling really bad. Tell them that it is ok to feel bad and that you are concerned for them. If you tell them to stop, that this is stupid, that the boyfriend is not worth it and other comments, you are only adding fuel to the fire and making them feel worthless.
- Keep your teenagers busy so that they do not have time to hurt themselves. Enrol them in a sports club after school so that they can find relief from the stress of schoolwork. Find ways to help your teen express their feelings such as a diary, poetry writing or listening to music. Spend more time with them so that they can confide their concerns, fears and difficulties in you. Provide a safety network for your teens that does not only include you but other relatives that you trust.
- Be a friend. If your child feels this behaviour is not a problem you can still talk to a professional who can give you advice and proper skills to cater for their emotional needs. A trained professional will teach your child how to control his or her emotions. It takes a long time before a child decides to hurt himself or herself so early detection is the key. With support from their family and professionals, your teenager can also stop self-harming.
Stop the hurt. Spread the love!
Even if your friend or your child is not self-harming herself/himself, always provide a shoulder for them to rely on. Use positive statements such as:
- You are not alone in this.
- I'm here for you. You may not believe it now, but the way you're feeling will change.
- I may not be able to understand exactly how you feel, but I care about you and want to help.
- When you want to give up, tell yourself you will hold off for just one more day, hour, minute — whatever you can manage.
If you or your teen are having suicidal thoughts, contact the National Council for Children (NCC) for support and assistance from a trained counsellor. If you or your loved one are in immediate danger, call 161 or 4322626. Other agencies also including Ministry of Health and your school counsellor can also help.
Contributed by National Council for Children (NCC), Bel Eau, Mahé or Horizon Complex, Baie Ste Anne, Tel 4283900 Email yumarji@gov.sc.
