Home Alone! |25 September 2021

Parents at some stage are faced with the dilemma of having to leave their children on their own. ‘At what age can my children be left at home by themselves?’ This is a common question asked by many parents. Given that there is no clear direction in the law, you need to use your own judgment taking into account your own family circumstances and the age and maturity of your children. Parents are expected to make ‘reasonable’ decisions about their children’s safety.

What does the law says?

There is not an actual law that states at what age children can or cannot be left alone, but the law is clear about the responsibility of parents to look after their children.

Questions to ask yourself:

Can parents leave older children in charge?

When a child (a person under the age of 18 years) care for other children, the question of negligence or liability could arise. As a parent, you may be held responsible for the carer, as well as your own child if something goes wrong. For these reasons, it is better that carers are adults. A person who is still legally a child would not be judged against the standards of responsibility expected of adults.

If you do leave your child in the care of an older brother or sister or other young person, you must be sure that they are reliable and mature. Ask yourself, ‘Could this child cope with an emergency?’ for example, a fire, an accident or a break-in.

If your child is left alone without a carer, they must be old enough to take action in case of an emergency; they must know what to do and where to get help.

How safe is our home?

Accidents happen so quickly and most parents know how easily a child can fall into a pool, pull saucepans off the stove, swallow objects or play with matches. Parents always have to be on the alert, especially with young children. There is an even greater need to check that dangerous things are out of reach, if you are not going to be there.

Are the rules clear?

Every family has its own ground rules. It is important to be clear about what children can and cannot do and these rules may be different when you are not there or when someone else is minding your child. For example, making tea, heating the food on the stove, putting the heater on or using the toaster may seem like simple tasks when you are there but may not be allowed when you are away. Do not assume that your child knows the rules. Ask them to tell you what they are.

How long will I be away?

Will it be for a few minutes, an hour, a whole morning or a full day? How long you are going to be away will make a difference to what you decide to do. You need to think about the age of your child, how they feel about being left and most importantly, how capable they are. It is not advisable to leave babies or toddlers alone under any circumstances.

Who will be in charge?

It is not fair to expect an older child to take on the full weight or responsibility required to take care of younger children. Their lack of experiences may make it difficult for them to find ways to control others. They may be harsh and might use very different methods from what you use. If you have no choice, then it is important that the child left in charge is capable and responsible and that the other children feel safe. This child should be able to handle any disputes or fights and know what to do if the other children break the rules or are ill. Note that the oldest child is not necessarily the most capable to care. On the other hand, a child with a disability requires additional care, which may be too much for another child to handle.

Am I sure that my child knows…?

- Where I am going and when I will be back.

- How to get in contact with me.

- How to use the telephone in case of an emergency.

- What number to call in case of an emergency (remind your child of the emergency numbers 999 for the police and fire service and 151 for the health services.)

- The contact details of their trusted relatives, friends and neighbours.

- Where to find the first aid kit and how to use it.

When the time is right

There comes a time when your teenager will start pleading with you to let them stay at home alone without someone to look after them. Once again, the age and maturity of your child will make a difference. For example, you may feel very confident that your 13-year-old will be safe compared to your 16-year-old whom you know likes to take risks. Letting go of your children gradually is a means of giving your child a chance to experience more independence.

What about leaving children in cars?

Leaving your child unsupervised in a car, at any time, is extremely dangerous and not recommended.

- Your child can suffer from heat exhaustion.

- Your child can get bored and start playing with the car’s knob and buttons.

- Your child can become distressed and may try to get out of their seatbelts and become injured.

Remind your child of the family rules before you leave:

- Are friends allowed in the house?

- Are they allowed to play outside?

- Where can they go?

- Can they visit a friend or neighbour?

Have a special password, code or a special signal that only you and your child knows, which could be used in distressing situations.

Reminders:

•         Be sure that you have no other choice if you decide to leave your child alone at home.
•         Be very careful who cares for your child.
•         Place someone in charge who is able to handle any emergency and knows where to get help.
•         Check the safety of the house before you leave.
•         Test your child on the ground rules.
•         Check that each child feel safe by talking to them and comforting them when you come back.
•         Check regularly on your child at home.
•         If your child has a mobile, ensure they have enough credit to call you in case of an emergency.
•         Make sure you return home at the time you promised you would.

Are you having challenges with your child and wishes to have expert advise? Send us your questions on yumarji@gov.sc or on our Facebook page. We will address it in our next article.

Contributed by the National Council for Children (NCC)/Ministry of Family Affairs, Youth and Sports