Lavwa Nou Zanfan (The Voice of Our Children) |07 March 2025

The death of a parent

“My dad died when I was in primary school. It has been more than 5 years now but losing a parent is a difficult and long process.

“The first month, I was in shock: unable to comprehend the situation; just keeping to myself and not talking much. When I was able to fully comprehend that I will never see my father again, it felt like I lost something inside of me. Ever since then it has been my mum and me even though we have not had the best relationship since I can remember. Growing up with one parent is hard because you become reliant on one. Sometimes I would act out and the things I would do would hurt my mother and it made me feel bad inside.

“Losing a parent made me act out in ways that people would not understand. I would always be quick to anger or easily hurt. I started skipping school many times to go to my dad’s grave. It felt easier talking to the dead more than the living because no one in my life understood. Bullying was a very big problem at my school so there was not only one reason why I skipped school. Eventually, after a while I turned to substance abuse at a young age to numb what I was feeling.

“It was proposed that I talk to the school counsellor but at that age I did not want to speak to anyone because it was not easy for me to open up to people at that time as I did not want to seem vulnerable.

“I have learnt that everything happens for a reason: that for good or for bad everything has a reason; if I did not go through all of that, I know that I would not be able to deal with certain emotional things. What happened made me stronger. My father’s death was just a part of life.

“If I meet a child who lost a parent, first I will see whether they are the type of person who deals with grief by: i) talking or ii) if it is someone who does not speak about their problems then I would speak to them about mine, to show them that the same pain that they feel, I felt as well.

“To a child who has lost one or both parents, I do not know what to say to them as there is no advice that will help because of the magnitude of the pain: just do not run away from it, do not burry the pain thinking that you have dealt with it. Face it in your own way: cry, play a sport, music instrument, do anything that one likes to do just to keep your mind on something that motivates you.”

To all children dealing with the death of a loved one, take courage. Know that you will smile again.

Contributed by a teenage semi-orphan